An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde woman. 3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde gal with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
“Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No… not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
This is the longest song i ever heard, lasting 12 minutes and 38 seconds. Than again, this isn't a song, technically. More of a medley lah. But still, have to respect the crew behind this song as it is not easy to extract the relevant part out of each of the 34 songs featured in this song. But hor, why no Jay Chou song huh?
I am so ill-prepared for it. Furthermore, i got a exam in the midst of it and Kenshu planning is coming up. Plus, i am shifting from my current Starbucks store to a new one that is located in City Link Mall. The best part is that i am stuck in reservist while the others are preparing for the opening. I am so going to feel left out.
A doctor started having an affair with his nurse. A short while later, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.
He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write “spaghetti” on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by, and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and said, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.”
The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without. Need more sauce”
Nov 4, 2008 is coming. It is an important day because it is the last day of my freedom before my first ever reservist.
What chey~? 2 weeks of being in service AGAIN after my 2 years is not something i look forward to okay? Furthermore i just ORD not too long ago and really, i love my life as a civilian. =)
On the bright side, the faster i complete my reservist, the better it will be for me. Imagine trying to run 2.4km at the age of 30. Wah, super shag and sianz. Besides, there will be no more call-ups, no more sacrificing of time just to go back to dive in not-very-nice waters and i can enjoy overseas trips in peace without worrying that i will be charged should i fail to notify Mindef of my absence. Not very funny when you have to report to the government where you are going.
Anyway, on Nov 4, 2008, halfway around the globe, something BIG is happening. Yes. The Amercians are going to choose their next president. This is ONE election the whole world is talking about because whoever is replacing George Bush at the White House is going to have an impact that is slightly lighter than a meteor's on the world.
Although i am not part of the electorate, i can have a preference right? Personally, i would prefer Barack Obama and his running mate, Joe Biden to enter the White House. I just feel the world will become a better place to live in and the economy will pick up should Barack Obama becomes the next US President. Don't ask me why. Gut feeling.
HOWEVER, IF the election is based just on looks alone, Sarah Palin get my vote. To me, she is the HOTTEST political candidate ever to run for such a big election. Look, she is an ex-Beauty Queen! No, not even Hillary Clinton nor the German Chancellor Angela Merkel is close in terms of hotness.
Just look at her. Wow. 5 kids later and she still looks as though she is in her 30s.
A man came home VERY late, drunk as a skunk, to find his wife waiting for him at the door. “Where have you been?” she screams. “It’s 4 in the morning!”
He says, “Aw, I just stopped at this bar, I was only going to have one drink… but this bar, it was incredible. Everything in it was gold-plated. They had a gold rail under the bar, gold ashtrays, they served the drinks in gold shot glasses, the table posts were all gold-plated, even the mirror behind the bar was gold. The cash register was gold. I was so amazed by all this gold, I just kept ordering drinks, and so I could stay in the bar and look at it. Hell, even when I went to the Men’s Room to take a leak, they had gold-plated urinals… Man, it was wonderful.”
“I don’t believe that story for one goddamn minute,” his wife said. “What was this place called?”
“Hell,” he replies, “I can’t remember… I got too drunk, and I forgot.”
“You’re gonna have to prove it to me tomorrow when you sober up, or I’m going to divorce you!” she said.
The next day, the man looks through the Yellow Pages under “Bars,” but none of the names ring a bell. He decides that he’ll call all the bars listed, and ask the bartenders about the decor in their establishments. He’s called about 50 bars so far, and still no luck. Finally, he calls one bar, asks his question, and the bartender says that, yes, they are the bar with all the gold-plated stuff.
“Here,” the man says, handing the phone to his wife. “Ask this bartender if I’m lying!”
The wife gets on the line, and begins to ask the bartender about all the things her husband had told her about on the previous night: the rail, the shot glasses, the mirrors, the table posts, the cash register, etc. Finally, she says, “Now, this may seem like a strange question, but my husband says you even have gold-plated urinals. Do you?”
The bartender puts the phone down on the bar, and she hears him yell, “Hey Mike!! I think I know who pissed in your saxophone!”
Females, one hell of a creature we males will never understand, even though our DNA coding is 100% similar. For your info, humans and chimps DNA is 98.5% similar.
Be it that period of the month, the stamina to shop that i think will put marathoners to shame and the mood swing that is so extreme the spectrum to measure is like the distance from the Sun to once-a-planet-but-now-a-star Pluto.
But, as the world evolves and gender equality getting more prominence, males are slowly getting to understand females because, if a female can do it, why can't a male?
Personally, i think that in a way promoted the springing up of metrosexuals. Males are slowly accepting and enjoying services that not too long ago belong exclusively to the domain of females. Beauty salons to most is a place where females will hang out with their girlfriends and spend the whole afternoon there doing a facial or enjoying a spa session. In fact, it is something expected of them as they are required by society to look beautiful. Nowadays, more and more males are joining the ranks of females visiting spas and beauty salons to the stage whereby the industry simply open up salons devoted exclusively to men. All these changes happen so fast that i still remember not too long ago males will laugh at other fellow males who go for a facial or a spa session and nicknamed them "sissy" or whatever similar. Nowadays, well, nobody really cares.
Anyway, my point is not on metrosexuals or males going to beauty salons. My point is, why do they go? Today, i guess i can finally understand a little bit after my first facial session.
Yes. Laugh or do whatever you want.
For reasons i am lazy to elaborate, i went for a facial today and i can only say, "SHIOK AR!" The feeling of being served by a professional is like a king being served by his servants. Wow. Furthermore, the face feel so refreshing after a facelift, literally, and i can't help but feel my face more. No, it has not reached the stage whereby the ant will slide down my face but well, at least the ant will start to have some difficulties.
In a society where looks is paramount, it is not just the females who are feeling the heat to look good. Males are slowly being scrutinised too. So, what better way is there than to walk out of a beauty salon feeling refreshed and comfort in the fact that your skin is well taken care of by professionals?
Now i can't wait to try out spas... Any kind sponser out there?
It is an awesome feeling after a run. The sweat, the aching muscles, the fast beat of your heart and not forgetting the breathlessness that makes you appreciate the wonderful feeling of being able to breathe. Wow.
It is a feeling i once enjoy during my NS days. But after ORD, well, the motivation is just not there. Temptations are everywhere, from Ben & Jerry's ice cream to KFC crispy chicken. Plus, you are too caught up with studies, friends and life as a whole that exercise became the last in your list of priorities.
But in order to prevent my body from growing sideways, i went for a run just now and boy, the feeling is wonderful. It may be a short run of 3km but it is enough for me to find back a little of that feeling i use to enjoy.
With my reservist coming up, i better find back the whole feeling before i kick the bucket during my 2 weeks in camp.
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As he climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?”
The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot! Now, it’s my turn!”
The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up. You can have the duck!”
Yet on this day i was late for school. Damn. What a nice way to start a week.
Had a talk with Jess not too long ago. Been a while since i talked to her. Jess, if you are reading this, take note that it has been a while since i talked so much. So be honoured. Haha
Well, one particular topic dominated most of the conversation. Nope, i don't want to say what it is. But all i can say is, sometimes, 只在乎曾经拥有.
Karmic relations is something we can't comprehend. If it is yours, it is yours. If it is not, it is not.
All i can say is, i am bloody too tired to think about it and i have decided to let Gohonzon and Fate determine the next step. Now i just want to look forward to the 2009 Tozan and the 2010 trip to Oklahoma.
Speaking of which, i can't wait to fly there now. My current lecturer is from OCU and the way she relates the experience over at Oklahoma is SOOOO enticing that seriously, i can safely say that my class can't wait to storm any travel agency and get our asses on the next available plane to Oklahoma. But, i am a bit worried about the Economy Class Syndrome though, cause the plane trip is fucking 24 hours long. Wah lao.
HOWEVER! I need to get back to reality. Now is 2008 and tomorrow i have school. Damn. Reality hurts.
A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other "looks." Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The boss is setting there thinking: "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother hadn’t slapped him!" The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: "Life at work is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his boss all at the same time!”
