Sunday, December 21, 2008

Busy, busy, busy. I don't know why and what i am busy over.

True, being the logistics head for the upcoming Kenshu means tonnes of work and shite. But i don't know why, i don't think that is the source of my busyness. Rather, my arrogant mind of wanting to shine and be involved in everything is the source i think.

I am so caught up with things to do that really, i am hardly at home over the past week. Not only do i have to go to work, i have to plan for Kenshu logistics, plan for the RSAKR study part 3 presentation, plan for I Journalist, a CNA organised thingy and another secret project with my classmates which i can't reveal much here. Initially, i thought i can manage. But, when every thing converge, i crumble, totally, literally like landslide.

Suddenly, i feel that there is still so many things to do for logistics. The worries have definitely worn me down and my life is in a mess.

I screwed up work during my shift on friday and really, i got to respect my manager for having such a high level of tolerance.

I screwed up a friendship. My starting point is definitely not to harm her. But apparently, the damages have been done and a close brother told me that the damages is worse than i can ever imagine.

Looking at my schedule, i feel tied down. I got to do this, go there, do that, meet him, call him, ask for his help etc. It does not help that i have not much people to share my load and problems with. I feel i am doing a one-man show and really, i am starting to fall, down and down a bottomless pit. I wanted so much to just have a day to myself without worrying about anything. But next week is the crucial week and i don't know whether i can survive.

I really want to cry it out, to share with someone my pain, my anguish. Alas, i don't think i have the chance and i guess i can only keep my pain to myself while ensuring everyone that i am okay.

I really need to chant more...