Two female friends had gone out for a girls' night out, and had been decidedly overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away.
Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.”
“That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between her ass cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station, We'll never forget you!’
Ayumi Hamasaki was or is in Hong Kong recently for the photoshoot of her 2009 calendar. This is her third visit to Hong Kong, the first being there for her concert, the second for the shooting of one of her MV. It seems that she has quite a liking for Hong Kong, meaning she will visit it again and again and again. So... to increase my chance of seeing her in the flesh, i should move to Hong Kong. Ya. Anyone knows where in HK got cheap housing?
Oh another note, the price of eggs has increased. Now, this may seem normal, given that the price of most of the necessities in life has also increased. But! If you would to look at the consumption of eggs by my family, you would know that the increase is kind of well... not at the right time. Darn. This sucks when just over lunch i was thinking that luckily the price of eggs has not increased yet.
A Cowboy rides into town and stops at a saloon for a drink. When he finishes his drink, he finds his horse has been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
“Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss?” he yells. No one answers.
“Alright, I’m gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I done in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I done in Texas!”
He has another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. He saddles up and gets ready to ride out of town.
Before he leaves, the bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, “Say partner, before you go… What happened in Texas?” The cowboy turns back and says, “I had to walk home.”
It is not funny when you have a important project in front of you which demand lots of attention yet you decided to take on a full-time job, effectively reducing the hours you have each day to do the project to a mere 2 hours and a little more.
THAT, is the situation i am facing now and... really, the world can do better without a moron(me) competing for oxygen with other people who are smarter and more useful than me(you).
BUT! Before i move on to the other world, i would love to have a vanilla latte and a slice of cheesecake. A chocolate brownie would be nice too. =)
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
“Oh no, my dear,” replied Granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “And if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”
Just caught Hancock with Wei Chuan. As i said, i ain't no movie reviewer. But do allow me to say some things.
Wait. Shit. This is MY blog. So i am SUPPOSED to say what i want to say for you to read, like it or not. Haha.
ANYWAY, the movie was good. While it is labeled an action comedy, well, let just say You Don't Mess with the Zohan is funnier. But, there are scenes whereby it can put other comedies to shame. But, for the sake of not being a spoiler, i shall not touch on them. What i can say is do look out for the scene whereby Hancock and his friend's wife is having a conversation while his friend is on the phone. I almost split my sides laughing.
One bad thing about the plot is that... it has a twist. The twist is dramatic and too abrupt. What i don't like is that i have to change my mindset immediately so i can follow the story. Other than that, it is a rather good movie.
