Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Been a long while since i updated the blog, partly due to the fact i am busy and worried and feeling low about my friend's mother condition.

My friend had told me about his mother's condition a long time ago. But it was nothing serious at that time and all i do was chant for her speedy recovery and talk to him more. Recently, suddenly, the condition just got serious and she only has less than one month to live. I was stunned when i heard this. I mean it was not long ago that she is still okay, but now she is putting on perhaps the last fight of her life. The night when i received the news, I find it hard to sleep. I was worried, but I don't know what I can do. The next few days I was feeling down. So I chanted to the Gohonzon for her and hope that she can win this fight. Now we can only wait, chant, wait, chant...

On a brighter note, I realised the "real" state of happiness. It is when you are truly enjoying yourself doing some things even though it may be stupid and there are many stares on you. A state where you are really happy and ignorant of other people's views on your actions. I realised this yesterday when I was with my bunch of friends. We were walking to the MRT station after a meeting. All of us were doing some dances as we walked and it was full of laughter as we laughed at ourselves. At a traffic junction, two of my friends went on to cross the road, leaving us behind. When they realised they have lost us, they waited at the opposite end. As they waited, they began to dance again, in front of everybody at the junction! We laughed like mad when we saw it and simply can't stand it. Of course, we do feel some embarrassment for them. But what strike me was that they enjoyed what they were doing, totally ignorant of the public stares they received. This make me realise that we are simply too concerned about how people view us that we sometimes live for the sake of looking good to others, even if it means we have to suffer below our appearances. Thus I admire people who dare to stand out and portray their true self. Will I ever be like them? I don't know...